In 1967 I gave birth to my baby in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin and gave her away for adoption.  Wisconsin has sealed records which means that the original birth certificate is hidden in a vault with the birth mother’s name.  I had never heard of open adoption and I was afraid to hold my baby, even though they said I could, because I thought I could never be able to let her go if I held her.  I thought I was protecting myself, but I regret that decision because I don’t think it is possible to lessen the pain of giving away your own child no matter what unnatural behavior you choose.  I am a proponent of open adoption and believe that couples and birth mothers can make the process less traumatic when there is open communication between both parties and the child.  I don’t believe a birth mother would be more at risk to wanting to take her child back or to regret her decision by seeing the child and being a part of the child’s life.  Certainly the contact frequency would be determined by both adult parties and a considerable agreement could be reached.  I can only imagine how beautiful it would have been to be able to see my child cared for by loving parents, nurtured, and growing into a happy healthy child.  It would have saved me a lot of angst during the years as I wondered if I made the right decision and if she went to good parents.  I was so happy to find out she did.  I was lucky.  I would have loved to have a part in deciding who got my child.

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